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X-rated Crochet

31

You may or may not know that I crochet penises for fun. I know, it’s weird, but I never claimed to be normal, so whatevs. ;-)

This was for Neal, and was made in the same style as one I took to GRL2012

This was for Neal, and was made in the same style as one I took to GRL2012

Timothy McGivney requested one of sizable girth, but he wanted it cuddly too. This was the result.

Timothy McGivney requested one of sizable girth, but he wanted it cuddly too. This was the result.

Here are a few I’ve made for people so far. These aren’t all—I gave quite a few away at GayRomLit the last few years.

The pattern for these beauties is free, and available as a PDF download by clicking here.

This was another based on a dick I gave away at GRL 2012. Last I saw, he was pretty happy, and he had a little buddy to ride him.

This was another based on a dick I gave away at GRL 2012. Last I saw, he was pretty happy, and he had a little buddy to ride him.

Poppy Web

This is the first solid colored one I made, for Poppy Dennison. I really love the way he turned out. He’s got a lot of character. :-)

 

Foreskin Web

Now with foreskin!

31 thoughts on “X-rated Crochet

  1. Give A Rush says:

    Oh I LOVE the red one! It looks soooo happy!! LOL

  2. Laurie P says:

    I want one so bad, but I don’t get paid in time to buy the book and answer the question :(

  3. Kazy Reed says:

    These are great! And I agree that the red does look very happy. Not that the others don’t, but…

  4. […] choice of a number of items, like signed copies of my print books, or possibly a crocheted to order phallus, or even a different handmade item—I have a few things in mind . . […]

  5. […] my male genital sculptures (that makes them sound so respectable, doesn’t it?), I’ll direct you here to my website, where I’m showcasing the ones I’ve made in the past, and the ones I’m giving away for this […]

  6. Posy says:

    Oh, please tell me there is a pattern for this online with variations for cut and uncut. As soon as I’m done editing, my hands will be itching for something to do, and sculpting a peen from yarn seems like the perfect thing for me.

    • Anne Tenino says:

      Well Posy, there’s a pattern for the cut version, but I only just worked out the uncut version, and haven’t written a pattern for it yet. Here’s the link to the pattern http://www.chicksanddicksrainbow.com/2012/11/crocheted-penis-and-scrotum-pattern-by.html and if I ever get around to writing down how to do the foreskin, I swear I’ll make sure the whole world knows. ;-)

      • Posy says:

        I can’t wait to play. I will mess around with the foreskin. Yep. I just wrote those words for all the word to read. :D

        Any tips on yarn? I have a lot of cotton. I love working with cotton. Silky yarn could be fun. Silk on steel. Look at me go! #shameless I foresee a fun trip to the yarn store in my very near future after I’ve worked out all the bugs. I may be crocheting penises until the end of time.

        And thank you for a crocheted pattern. I’ve seen knit patterns, but I can crochet in my sleep. I need 3 cups of strong coffee to knit a row, and that’s on a good day.

        • Anne Tenino says:

          Yeah, I’m not a knitter. :-/

          Tips on yarn—I can’t recommend cotton, because you’re going to have to crochet tighter than normal (so the stuffing isn’t totally obvious through the stitches), and cotton, linen, hemp—most plant fibers, really—has no give. The exception is when it’s mixed with elastene or something (Tip: when crocheting foreskin, you must have a very, very elastic yarn). One nice thing is that I don’t feel badly when I buy really cheap yarn for one of these just because it’s in a fun colorway or something.

          One more tip on foreskin—basically what I’ve done is to crochet the scrotum and shaft holding two yarns, one elastic and one other, then just before beginning the head I drop the elastic one (putting a holder in it, of course), then with the other yarn do a round of BLO stitches (or FLO depending on which way you’re going), and finish the head with that yarn, including the surface crochet for the corona. Then I go back, pick up the elastic yarn, and start the foreskin in the BLO/FLO round. On each round of foreskin before the corona, I join it to the shaft to create the frenulum.

          So far I’ve only completed one of the foreskin penii, and I had to go pretty carefully, checking frequently to make sure it was fully retractable. He ended up with a bit of the glans poking out, but it’s still pretty convincing, if I say so myself.

          I’ll go ahead and add a picture of the foreskin dude to the gallery above.

  7. Becca says:

    Do u sell the patterns??

  8. robb says:

    I’m just learning crochet and found this – and I LOVE it! Thank you so much for posting the pattern.

    I do have one question though, testicle one & two confuse me – when complete, are one & two next to each other, or is one inside the other?

    • Anne Tenino says:

      Oh, sorry—it’s such a confusing pattern, isn’t it? Anyway, you end up with two side-by-side, it’s only while you’re joining them that you have one inside the other. Does that make sense? Let me know if you have any other problems. :-) Good luck!

      • robb says:

        Thanks for your reply, I’m having so much fun with this! (My friends want me to show them how to do it now.)

        I do have one (final?) question – making the ‘taint’, should this be centered on the frenulum stitch, or off to one side? (I have a feeling it should be centered, but it came out off to one side, so I thought I’d better check).

        • Anne Tenino says:

          Well, it ends up off-centered no matter what if you crochet in a spiral. If you join, ch 1 and turn at the end of each round, you’d have it more or less centered. I do that if I want one that has a nice line up the underside, but TBH I mostly ignore that frenulum stitch thing now and just pick a likely looking place for it when I get to the head. But hey, how many perfectly aligned, straight dicks have you met anyway? ;-)

        • robb says:

          Anne,

          Thanks for all your help, and for posting a great pattern. I’m very happy with how it turned out!

        • Anne Tenino says:

          Yay! Send me a pic if you have one (and are wiling to), I’d love to see it!

  9. Carrie says:

    Can you make a video on how to make one please

  10. Its beautiful!!
    Is there any chance the red pattern is for sale??

  11. kathyj says:

    I would love the pattern my best if is getting married in a few months and as the maid of honor I wanna make some of them for the bachlorette party

  12. Amanda says:

    I must THANK YOU for sharing this great pattern with us! I’m working on my “weenie” now and it’s coming together perfectly! The pattern is very easy to follow and hilarious to read! I especially love your ranting about the taint hahaa! My boyfriend and I had some good laughs with all your terminology.

    I did want to let you know of a little error I think I found. In the difficult head instructions, round 4, I think it should read “1sc in next TWENTY-TWO sc” (not 16). Just wanted to point it out in case it caused anyone confusion.

    Thank you so much again for taking the time to design and write this out. A good friend of ours is having some personal issues so I’m making him one of your weenies along with a boobie pillow to share some laughs …he is very shy but has a great sense of humor.

    Take care and happy stitching :D

    • Anne Tenino says:

      I’m so glad you enjoy the pattern. :-) Your correction sounds right, although to be honest I haven’t actually counted it out to be certain. I’ll do that soon and correct the pattern. Thank you so much, and I hope your friend gets better soon. I’ve found genitalia plushies cure a wide variety of ills. ;-)

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