X-rated Crochet
89You may or may not know that I crochet penises for fun. I know, it’s weird, but I never claimed to be normal, so whatevs. 😉
Thought I’d put a picture of one of the foreskin ones at top, to make it prominent:
This was for Neal, and was made in the same style as one I took to GRL2012
Timothy McGivney requested one of sizable girth, but he wanted it cuddly too. This was the result
Here are a few I’ve made for people so far. These aren’t all—I gave quite a few away at GayRomLit the last few years.
The pattern for these beauties is free, and available as a PDF download by clicking here.
This was another based on a dick I gave away at GRL 2012. Last I saw, he was pretty happy, and he had a little buddy to ride him.
This is the first solid colored one I made, for Poppy Dennison. I really love the way he turned out. He’s got a lot of character. 🙂
Now with foreskin!
Anne Tenino 
Oh I LOVE the red one! It looks soooo happy!! LOL
I love them all equally, but . . . yeah that one’s special! 🙂
Is there a pattern for the red one available any where? Please & Thank you
Oh, i just saw this! Actually that’s the same pattern as for the others, it’s just that I sometimes don’t totally follow the pattern (which I kinda explain in the pattern), so different ones have different appearances. Just like real penii
I want one so bad, but I don’t get paid in time to buy the book and answer the question 😦
Hey Laurie-
Well, you aren’t the only one, so you might want to check out my latest “News” post for a couple of cheats. 🙂 http://wp.me/p1xuHp-py
These are great! And I agree that the red does look very happy. Not that the others don’t, but…
Thank you!
Well, red is probably closest to the full fever of excitement, so to speak, so it’s understandable that he’d be the happiest one, I guess. 😉
Its beautifull!!
Is there any chance the red penis pattern is for sale??
They’re all the same pattern, actually, and it’s the one I have for download here: http://www.chicksanddicksrainbow.com/2012/11/crocheted-penis-and-scrotum-pattern-by.html The reason the red one looks a little different has to do with the yarn (it was really lustrous) and with some weird quirk that made me crochet it a little bent. IDK why.
[…] choice of a number of items, like signed copies of my print books, or possibly a crocheted to order phallus, or even a different handmade item—I have a few things in mind . . […]
[…] X-rated Crochet […]
[…] my male genital sculptures (that makes them sound so respectable, doesn’t it?), I’ll direct you here to my website, where I’m showcasing the ones I’ve made in the past, and the ones I’m giving away for this […]
Oh, please tell me there is a pattern for this online with variations for cut and uncut. As soon as I’m done editing, my hands will be itching for something to do, and sculpting a peen from yarn seems like the perfect thing for me.
Well Posy, there’s a pattern for the cut version, but I only just worked out the uncut version, and haven’t written a pattern for it yet. Here’s the link to the pattern http://www.chicksanddicksrainbow.com/2012/11/crocheted-penis-and-scrotum-pattern-by.html and if I ever get around to writing down how to do the foreskin, I swear I’ll make sure the whole world knows. 😉
I can’t wait to play. I will mess around with the foreskin. Yep. I just wrote those words for all the word to read. 😀
Any tips on yarn? I have a lot of cotton. I love working with cotton. Silky yarn could be fun. Silk on steel. Look at me go! #shameless I foresee a fun trip to the yarn store in my very near future after I’ve worked out all the bugs. I may be crocheting penises until the end of time.
And thank you for a crocheted pattern. I’ve seen knit patterns, but I can crochet in my sleep. I need 3 cups of strong coffee to knit a row, and that’s on a good day.
Yeah, I’m not a knitter.
Tips on yarn—I can’t recommend cotton, because you’re going to have to crochet tighter than normal (so the stuffing isn’t totally obvious through the stitches), and cotton, linen, hemp—most plant fibers, really—has no give. The exception is when it’s mixed with elastene or something (Tip: when crocheting foreskin, you must have a very, very elastic yarn). One nice thing is that I don’t feel badly when I buy really cheap yarn for one of these just because it’s in a fun colorway or something.
One more tip on foreskin—basically what I’ve done is to crochet the scrotum and shaft holding two yarns, one elastic and one other, then just before beginning the head I drop the elastic one (putting a holder in it, of course), then with the other yarn do a round of BLO stitches (or FLO depending on which way you’re going), and finish the head with that yarn, including the surface crochet for the corona. Then I go back, pick up the elastic yarn, and start the foreskin in the BLO/FLO round. On each round of foreskin before the corona, I join it to the shaft to create the frenulum.
So far I’ve only completed one of the foreskin penii, and I had to go pretty carefully, checking frequently to make sure it was fully retractable. He ended up with a bit of the glans poking out, but it’s still pretty convincing, if I say so myself.
I’ll go ahead and add a picture of the foreskin dude to the gallery above.
Do u sell the patterns??
I don’t, but I did post a free version, here: http://www.chicksanddicksrainbow.com/2012/11/crocheted-penis-and-scrotum-pattern-by.html
The reason I don’t sell the patterns is because I don’t have the necessary focus to write a decent pattern. 😛
The site no longer exists for the Free Pattern and I am dying to follow what you did to make such a real looking head…. Can you send/email me the pattern possibly if it is not posted anywhere else?
I’m just learning crochet and found this – and I LOVE it! Thank you so much for posting the pattern.
I do have one question though, testicle one & two confuse me – when complete, are one & two next to each other, or is one inside the other?
Oh, sorry—it’s such a confusing pattern, isn’t it? Anyway, you end up with two side-by-side, it’s only while you’re joining them that you have one inside the other. Does that make sense? Let me know if you have any other problems. 🙂 Good luck!
Thanks for your reply, I’m having so much fun with this! (My friends want me to show them how to do it now.)
I do have one (final?) question – making the ‘taint’, should this be centered on the frenulum stitch, or off to one side? (I have a feeling it should be centered, but it came out off to one side, so I thought I’d better check).
Well, it ends up off-centered no matter what if you crochet in a spiral. If you join, ch 1 and turn at the end of each round, you’d have it more or less centered. I do that if I want one that has a nice line up the underside, but TBH I mostly ignore that frenulum stitch thing now and just pick a likely looking place for it when I get to the head. But hey, how many perfectly aligned, straight dicks have you met anyway? 😉
Anne,
Thanks for all your help, and for posting a great pattern. I’m very happy with how it turned out!
Yay! Send me a pic if you have one (and are wiling to), I’d love to see it!
Can you make a video on how to make one please
I can certainly try, but to be honest, that’s one of those things I might never get around to . . .
Its beautiful!!
Is there any chance the red pattern is for sale??
I thought I answered this, sorry! Anyway, there’s only one pattern, and it’s free here: https://annetenino.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/crochet-penis-and-scrotum-pattern.pdf
I would love the pattern my best if is getting married in a few months and as the maid of honor I wanna make some of them for the bachlorette party
Here you go! https://annetenino.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/crochet-penis-and-scrotum-pattern.pdf
I must THANK YOU for sharing this great pattern with us! I’m working on my “weenie” now and it’s coming together perfectly! The pattern is very easy to follow and hilarious to read! I especially love your ranting about the taint hahaa! My boyfriend and I had some good laughs with all your terminology.
I did want to let you know of a little error I think I found. In the difficult head instructions, round 4, I think it should read “1sc in next TWENTY-TWO sc” (not 16). Just wanted to point it out in case it caused anyone confusion.
Thank you so much again for taking the time to design and write this out. A good friend of ours is having some personal issues so I’m making him one of your weenies along with a boobie pillow to share some laughs …he is very shy but has a great sense of humor.
Take care and happy stitching 😀
I’m so glad you enjoy the pattern. 🙂 Your correction sounds right, although to be honest I haven’t actually counted it out to be certain. I’ll do that soon and correct the pattern. Thank you so much, and I hope your friend gets better soon. I’ve found genitalia plushies cure a wide variety of ills. 😉
[…] genital sculptures (that makes them sound so respectable, doesn’t it?), I’ll direct you here https://annetenino.com/x-rated-crochet-gallery/ to my website, where I’m showcasing the ones I’ve made in the past, and the ones I’m giving […]
The link to the pattern seems to no longer work 8 (
I just clicked on it and it worked for me, but other people have been having problems with some of my links. I’ll paste it here, and if this link doesn’t work let me know so I can send you a copy.
Click to access crochet-penis-and-scrotum-pattern.pdf
I need to make six for gag gift. Do you have an easy pattern? Thanks
If your are an experienced stitcher, the pattern link she posted in the above comment is really easy to follow and she offers easy alternatives for the somewhat complicated areas for newbies. I highly recommend it! I’ve finished one so far and loved the turnout! Otherwise there are other more simple designs out there if you keep looking. I cannot recommend this pattern enough though, it’s the most realistic design. Anne has so generously shared all her hard work and time with us in creating this wonderful weenie hahaa!
I agree. especially the balls, it is a masterpiece
Why thank you! *preens*
As Amanda said, my pattern isn’t really an easy one, but there used to be a few easier patterns around. There was one called “beanis” but when I search for it now I keep getting redirected to porn sites. There’s this one for a lip balm cozy, which you could scale up (or even just use bulkier yarn?): http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/penis-lip-balm-cozy-crochet-pattern
I used your pattern to make a lilac (her favorite color) penis for my friend’s birthday!
Awww! Lilac penises are lovely.
So I did this last year for a white elephant gift, along with a boob pillow and it turned out amazing! This year I am planning to adapt the pattern to make a body pillow sized version. Any tips on enlarging?
I don’t know how I missed this comment. I’m sorry! I seem to be missing a lot, lately. Anyway, did you get the size issue worked out? One suggestion I have is to make it the same size but to include a “Penis Measuring Ruler” that is way out of scale, like and inch per centimeter. Heh.
I’ve been a crocheter for many years, and was looking for something…different….to crochet. I found your site and was VERY HAPPY INDEED. I’m going to make one for my British bandmate, and will have to adapt your pattern in a couple of ways – he’s got 3 testicles, and is uncut. This will be my greatest crochet challenge – but I’m up for it. Just have to find some luvly mauve yarn to match him. THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!
Oh Oh! I’ve got a foreskin version!! Except I never really wrote it into the pattern. If you look at the last picture on the page above, you’ll see one of the foreskin version. I’m also posting a new picture, with pink and purple yarns.
Here’s the basics (from what I can remember, since I usually sort of make it up as I go): You need a very elastic yarn, preferably a sock yarn with actual elastic in it. I used (mostly) Cascade Fixation. Anyway, somewhere as I’m crocheting the shaft I start working in the elastic yarn, then just before I get to the head, I do a round with the two yarns separated (shaft versus foreskin), with the shaft yarn worked into the back loop only and the foreskin yarn in the front loop only. I drop the foreskin yarn, complete the head (don’t forget the corona—you’ll be able to see it under the foreskin if you make it big enough), then start the foreskin, first adding a number of stitches to make it big enough, then necking it in as the head tapers under it.
I’ve learned you can’t really completely neck it in at the top, or you’ll never get it over the head. I’ve thought about using some elastic thread, but it seems like more trouble than it’s worth.
Let me know how it works out!
I made a giant one 🙂
Sent from my iPhone
>
Woot!
please do upload a pic!
How do I upload one?
Here is the pic paste link.
Honestly, I’m no help in telling you how to upload. I can barely upload my own pictures . . .
love it!
Hahaha. I did figure it out. Here’s a link to the picture. My other gift is in the pic too.
That’s completely awesome! And the guy holding the blanket looks so much like my friend, Edmond Manning, that it’s spooky. Well, at least in that picture.
His name is Randy. No one better could have picked that blanket. And the lady holding the giant penis is his wife. It was awesome. Now I’ve set the bar high for next year. Not sure what’s next – blow up sheep?
Blow up sheep with genitalia? Dammit, I might have to work on a pattern for that . . .
Do you have a Paterenn
Yup! You can download a PDF of it right here: https://annetenino.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/crochet-penis-and-scrotum-pattern.pdf
Hi, Anne. Thanks for the pattern! I’m having some problems, and I sent you an email. I hope you’ll see it. Thank you!
I saw it! 🙂 I’m working up to it in my email queue, so expect an answer soon.
Cool! I’ll look forward to a reply.
Well, I finally answered, but I don’t know if it helped . . . I’m sending you a diagram, which I might have to put here, too.
As a trans kid who can’t afford a packer, I am really looking forward to attempting to make my own using your pattern. Thank you.
OOOH!!! There are a few soft packer patterns out there, like this one: http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/drag-king-soft-packer
My pattern will work, but since I didn’t design it as a soft packer, it may have some design issues, particularly in the degree of bend between the testicles and penis. I you do use this pattern, try under-stuffing it. And good luck! I hope you find a pattern that works for you.
Love the intact one!
I love how your pattern is so realistic!! This is what I’ve been looking for!! I taught my friend how to crochet; she wants her first pattern to be a penis! 😃 this is perfect !! Thank you for sharing!! We want to make a cushion out of it. What will it be possible? Also we want to make a booby cushion as well, and make it a gift to our family lol would you possibly have a pattern for one? I’ve started the penis, it’s turning out pretty good so far! Thanks
Hey there! So, I’m assuming since it took me so long to respond to you that you already know if it’s possible to make a cushion from my pattern (it is, as long as you double or triple the stitch counts . . . or use really big yarn?).
As for a booby cushion, I know there are patterns out there for it. Try searching on the Ravelry site and I’m sure you’ll find something.
I’d love to see a picture of your finished penii!
I finished!!!! I love it!!! It came out soo Beautiful! !!! Where do I post a pic? I also decided not to make it a pillow . Instead I stuffed it with beans!! And use it as a bean warmer ! Thank you so much! Thanks for the reply back .
You know, I *think* in the past people have sent me pictures at anne @ annetenino .com, but if you post it on social media or something, you can just send me the link. I really want to see!
I would love the intact pattern if you ever wrote it. Im an intactivist and a Doula and this will be perfect to educate my parents on the intact penis.
Wow, I’m weak about replying, apparently. Sorry! I did eventually do an intact version, but I never really wrote a pattern for it . . . Are you still interested? If so, Let me know and I’ll look at my notes and I’ll see if there’s any way to cobble together a decent set of instructions. I promise it won’t take me eight months to answer again.
I saw a pin for a penis pot holder for like cast iron pans. Very cute, looking for a pattern, crochet only. 🤗🤗.
Any ideas?
And again, very sorry it took me so long to answer. I guess my main idea is to do an internet search for that kind of pattern. You could also just crochet a cylinder (make a chain, join it into a circle, and then just work around it without either increasing or decreasing until you have a shaft that’s long enough), then follow my pattern for the head (link in the original post).
Those are awesome!
Thanks! I think so too. My family is less enthusiastic about them.
Love this, I often crochet little people with boobs and penises for fun .. just because I like to let my naughty side out with my craft 😉
I would love a picture!
Hiya, do you have a pattern or some advice as to how you made the head on your big red C**k
I think I can do the balls n shaft but struggling with the head!
Present for my partner.
Genevieve 😊
Yeah, I have a pattern, available right here: https://annetenino.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/crochet-penis-and-scrotum-pattern.pdf
That red one was made with that pattern, but since I sometimes vary stitch counts and stuff it might turn out differently. I’m not organized enough to have notes about what exactly I did on that one . . .
Hi,
I have downloaded your pattern but I wondered how you did the foreskin on the top penis? It looks like it is retractable, which is great.
How did you achieve this?
I’m going to crochet one of these for my friend who is going to use it for teaching purposes. She has requested one with a foreskin.
Thanks for your advice.
Hey Jana-
All I did was find a very stretchy yarn (with elastane in it, for example) and crocheted the shaft with two strands, that one and the main yarn I was using. Then when I started on the head, I dropped the stretchy yarn (putting a stitch holder in it) and finished with just the other. Then I went back to the stretchy strand and simply kept crocheting in the round until it was tall enough. On a few of them, in order to get the foreskin to close over the top, I used elastic thread (like, completely elastic) and gathered the last round gently. It can sometimes be hard to get the foreskin up and down, so only gather it as much as necessary.
Good luck!
Hey. Great pattern but I’m confused with how to join the testicles together. I put one inside each other and stiched around the tip but then when turn back there was no hole to stUff … HELP :)!
Oh wow, I’m really sorry I didn’t reply before… I was on vacation when this comment came in and I meant to respond as soon as I got home. I’m really sorry.
If you still care, I could provide a diagram that might answer your question. Otherwise, my answer is that when you make the individual testicles, there should actually be two perpendicular edges that can potentially be joined—the side of the testicle from about midpoint up, and the top. You’re stitching to two testes together along the side openings only, not the top also. Does that help?
You mentioned that you could provide a diagram for the testicle joining in your penis and scrotum crochet pattern, I think that would help
can we see a diagram for connecting testicle 1 & 2? i’m having trouble forming the scrotum seam and keep ending up with two balls joined at the top. thanks!
I love the pink one with the foreskin I’m having trouble with the pattern. Do you have a simpler pattern?
Unfortunately I don’t, and I haven’t crocheted one in years, so I’m not a lot of help, although feel free to ask me about specific details (or look at comments above where I answered questions in the past, when I actually remembered this pattern). I’d also suggest going to Ravelry and seeing what patterns they have, and/or asking for help in the forums.